Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Sweet, Sweet Ladyboners Part 1

So ladyboners right

An exploration into the subject of men that L.M. finds sexually appealing for more reasons than a sweet ass body

Yeah.  Motherfucking ladyboners.
or better yet- the guys who give us ladyboners.  

I'm gonna list the top ten guys that to me make angels weep tears of frustration because 
how the fuck could God create something that beautiful without knowing how the sheer fore of exploding ovaries was going to effect the stability of Heaven's architecture.  


10. Mark Ruffalo

Help me.
I'm drowning.
Drowning in a sea of Ruffalust.

A lot of people know him as his impeccable performance as "Bruce Banner"  In the newest avengers movie, although what a lot of people don't know (Or maybe you do, although I didn't realize it until I was scanning the depths of IMDB for a desperate search for films with his face in them), is that he was in that movie entitled "Zodiac".  He played a detective named "Dave Toschi", who gave me a case of the Deja Vu's when I thought about the  US Marshall he portrayed in "Shutter Island". 

But for those who have seen "Zodiac" This is all I have to say about his performance. 


A/N :
And fuck no Tom Hiddleston is not on this list because I'm so fucking sick of his fandom.  They make me want to tear off my fingernails and put them in food and them serve that food to those fangirls.  Tom used to be attractive to me but thanks to tumblr that ladyboner was killed violently a while ago because nobody can decide if they want to fuck his brains out in starbucks surrounded by coffee beans and instagram photos or if they want to fucking shake his hand and wait for him to fall in love with the constant stream of mary sue they are shitting. 

9. Vincent Kartheiser


Not enough winky faces could ever amount to the sheer amount of flirt I would expell towards this man. 


Yeah you guys know him.
He plays Peter Campbell in the critically acclaimed AMC  Mad Men TV series.  Seriously, this show is more chalk-full of drama and unprotected sex than a co-ed PE class.  

Personally I think Madmen should respectfully be renamed Awkward Scenes in an Elevator.  
I started watching it on Netflix, because luckily they have the first 4 seasons.  I'm knee deep in polyester, alcohol, cigarettes, sexism and more polyester. 
                                         Peter Campbell may be a little shit.  But he's a sexy little shit.  

8. Andrew VanWyngarden

The man, the god. 

Andrew VanWyngarden, a certainly diabolical slice of Heaven.  He's the singer/guitarist for electrifying Pop/Psychedelic revival band, MGMT. Honestly a little piece of my heart is always going to be hanging onto him, (and Ben Goldwasser, for that matter) because once you fall in love with this band, it's hard to let go. (Almost as hard as my hypothetical ladyboner). 

               MGMT has a great discography of two full length studio albums, "Oracular Spectacular" and "Congratulations", along with a number of EPs that I have bent over backwards to find.   Both of their Studio albums are like electronic dreams come to life by acidic artists painting with the sounds of your subconcious.  It's a real trip to listen to their stuff, and to have their particular influences inspire them and thousands of other kids is a small reminder of their place in Pop Culture now and for years in the future.

Part of Andrew's sex appeal comes from his insightful interviews and partially because of his, uh, electric feel.  He's got a style that any Dandy would be jealous of, and boy does he pull it off.  On my checklist of "Things that can make a man sexy" he's captured most of them.

Does he have long hair?  Oh my Hendrix, yes.
Fashion sense?  Adlaksfjalskfj (Legitimate answer as of 2012)
Does he play an instrument?  Several, actually.
Does his music suck?  No!  Why is this list so musician-centric? 
Because musicians are sexy, duh!  Oh yes!!!

Be sure to look forward for their 3rd album, self entitled as MGMT coming out hopefully soon.  And you know what a new album means....
That's right. 
TOUR.  Hopefully one that involves Texas!

7.  Russel Brand

                         The English Funnyman who can manipulate words and warp your sense of humor! 
Russell Brand is quite possibly one of the most interesting men I've ever had the pleasure to learn about.  He's had quite the turbulent, Rock Star-esque life.  From trouble with drugs to women, and how he overcame it all is inspiring and gives a lot of strength to the young people who aspire to be successful one day, but without all the drugs and women.  (Maybe the women but definitely not the drugs).  
                I have no ass now because I laughed it all off listening to his Stand Up.  I'm serious, he's got some of the most creative jokes I've ever heard, presented in a manner that is aesthetically pleasing.  From his hair to his clothes he reeks of sex, and from his body language it's an ambiguous nod towards homosexuality.   I've got a lot of respect (and I'm pretty sure what would be be construed as a mild addiction) towards English comedy.  I just fucking love it because it's intelligent humor that you have to have a fully functioning brain to understand!  Whether it's me watching That Mitchell and Webb look, or Snuff Box, The Mighty Boosh, Saxondale, A bit of Fry and Laurie, or even the classic Monty Python's Flying Circus, all of that fucking humor is so brilliant and clever that I walked out feeling smarter than before I watched anything. 

Reader ==> Watch Russell's Stand up

Oh yeah and on top of all that I have to mention someone I can never think of Russell without thinking of:
Noel Fielding.

Noel Fielding is also another hilarious English comedian who's friendship with Russel I love to see unfold on the show "Nevermind the Buzzcocks" - but better yet with Russell the two combine to make the
                                   GOTH DETECTIVES.  

6.  You can't spell "Sexual Frustration" without "Iggy Pop"

             Okay so Iggy Pop is the Godfather of punk, we've all realized this.  He broke the frontiers of what was acceptable on stage and what he just stone cold did not give a fuck about.  When people wanted a fucking show Iggy would fucking deliver.   Whether his solo shit or when he was with The Stooges seeing Iggy pop on stage was a gift from fucking God.  Or Satan depending on whether or not Led Zeppelin was on tour.

          These particular photos were taken by a man named "Neil Preston", who along with the likes of Mick Rock, was one of the greatest Rock photographers of his day.  He took so many iconic photos of musicians like Iggy, Led Zeppelin, Pete Townshend and Pink Floyd, but this particular shoot was featured in an article of Creem Magazine in April of 1974.

          Another iconic photograph of Iggy Pop was taken by Mick Rock, but most of you Rock n Rollers probably know it being the cover of his 1973 album Raw Power. 

           Anyhow, Iggy has an amazing body and the voice of a thousand screaming angels.  Honestly, I'm not a big fan of The Stooges first album, 1969, but if you're into repetitive early punk rock than I highly suggest it.  I think from then on out his albums get really amazing, except for The Idiot which surprisingly enough was produced by David Bowie.

           Even though the quality of his albums differentiate there is one thing that stays the same- and that is the fact he is one hot fox of a man with a body that searches and destroys.  

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