Thursday, August 30, 2012

The Girl Anachronism

Struggles of a Nostalgic Teenager

Working towards vintage is harder than you guys would think.

          Seriously, you're face with so many different problems when you're trying to be Vintage Fantastic or Retro or if you just straight up feel like you missed the one way train to the 60s and are trying to live all those fantasies through your current life.

           FINDING CLOTHES.  
I'm talking actually finding.  If you order your vintage clothing online, you my friend, are cheating.  

           You really have to look for those top-quality vintage stores that don't try to charge you out of your home, family and drug habit.  Either that or you can get straight to the nitty gritty and dig through charity shops (such as Goodwills, Family dollar,  or just tucked away little old lady thrift stores run by women of an undetermined sex).
             Yeah, it takes awhile, but walking away with a piece of clothing you worked your ass off to find is worth more to you than gold. That, and it's guaranteed to be more unique than clothes most of the female-sheep that infest and poison the schoolgrounds wear.
           Granted, sometimes finding the perfect piece of clothing will just seem to...happen.  Sometimes you just find the perfect pair of pants, or the perfect shirt, or the perfect skirt and it will be the perfect size and it will be dirt cheap. 
            But then again, other times you will feel like you've lost your mind looking for the perfect shirt and will go home feeling like the whole of the world is about to collapse on you for the lack of perfect clothing.
Some of my favorite peices, The Doc Martens are vintage and possibly from the early 90s.


              But most of all, it's about expression.  I know it can be fucking hard to dress the way you want, especially to school of all places.  But you know, you get over the weird looks.  I know my friend Haka has struggled with this, but now she's in a happy medium with herself and her wonderful fashion blog.  Quite frankly I really look up to her for that, because it's hard to go out and just do your own thing.  Especially with all those other assholes that just love to judge you and try to make you feel shit about yourself because you don't conform to mainstream fashion.

        Most of it though, isn't just about dressing your way because it's 'in style'.  It's because it makes you feel good and because it allows you that connection to the period you feel so damn connected to, and it's like when you wear those clothes you're wearing something from the past.  Something with the energy of that time period, something that could've been worn by someone from that period.  Those clothes could've been to a Hendrix concert, or front row at a Zeppelin show.  Or anything you could possibly imagine.

        The important thing is, though, that no matter what you wear or how you wear it
        you gotta work that shit with all you've got because
there is nobody that expresses
        YOU better than YOU.

See look how expressive I am by posting pictures of me in my vintage clothing in high contrast, self timed photos.



                   Okay guys that's about it for my self love rant. But you guys really shouldn't be afraid to wear what you want just because you feel weird wearing it around other people, or if you feel like people think you're weird for wearing it around them.  
                    Fuck the majority and make your own image.                        

Monday, August 27, 2012

School as a modern concept

Sheeple, failure and unattainable ass.  

You know, usually every time I go into a new school year I am full of depression and anxiety that I get no sleep because I worry about how the year is going to go.  But this year, surprisingly enough none of that happened, because when I walked into school, or as most of you know it: 

I'm a junior and I didn't give a shit as I walked into school.  All I saw were conformists and swaggawags, and when I sat through as all my classes reviewed the same policies and rules I knew nothing had changed.  All the teachers told me to put away my coffee and pull up my shirt, when all I wanted to do was scream in their faces and Rock n Roll.

I'm sick of adults and I'm sick of other people's rules

Watch what you say
Watch what you wear

Watch what you do

All I try to do is earn respect, and after two years I would think I could have a little bit, at least.  I went into school thinking "Dude, I'm gonna try my best." Because I thought doing my best would make Me feel good.  But now I'm thinking "Dude, I'm gonna try my best so when I succeed I can rub it in all those asshole's faces and congratulate myself on a job well done."  I know it's selfish.  
It's not like I do things with the intention of offending other people, but maybe other people should just nut up or shut up.  Go complain to someone who cares, or at least someone who will put a little band-aid on whatever boo-boo I have inflicted upon your well being and emotional stability! 

And the boys man. 
All those boys I want, and the one I'm so close to having is such a tease, but the one I love is so far away my heart is breaking with every step away from him, the sweet echo of our kiss long since passed.

I mean that's all Highschool ever boils down to, is raging sex hormones. And maybe a little bit of heartbreak. But mainly like 20% grades and then 80% raging sex hormones.  

But welcome to Junior Year, Jess, hope you make it out alive. 

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Excercise Logic for Men and Women/ The Breast Dilemma

The Boob Dilemma

When Men and Women exercise,(I'm talking about in actual parts of the world that value things like this, because America sure ain't one of them!  That is, unless you have millions of extra dollars to waste on such a trivial thing like personal fitness.)

When they exercise it's along the lines of Women losing their boobs and Men getting boobs.  (But the sexy kind that are taut and fun to touch...)  I wish I could exercise and not have to worry about loosing my boobies. 

Becuase, like,
Boobies are precious to a woman. 
And I like my boobies I don't want them going anywhere! 
Screw you, exercise for putting my boobies in jeopardy! 

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Sweet, Sweet Ladyboners Part 1

So ladyboners right

An exploration into the subject of men that L.M. finds sexually appealing for more reasons than a sweet ass body

Yeah.  Motherfucking ladyboners.
or better yet- the guys who give us ladyboners.  

I'm gonna list the top ten guys that to me make angels weep tears of frustration because 
how the fuck could God create something that beautiful without knowing how the sheer fore of exploding ovaries was going to effect the stability of Heaven's architecture.  


10. Mark Ruffalo

Help me.
I'm drowning.
Drowning in a sea of Ruffalust.

A lot of people know him as his impeccable performance as "Bruce Banner"  In the newest avengers movie, although what a lot of people don't know (Or maybe you do, although I didn't realize it until I was scanning the depths of IMDB for a desperate search for films with his face in them), is that he was in that movie entitled "Zodiac".  He played a detective named "Dave Toschi", who gave me a case of the Deja Vu's when I thought about the  US Marshall he portrayed in "Shutter Island". 

But for those who have seen "Zodiac" This is all I have to say about his performance. 


A/N :
And fuck no Tom Hiddleston is not on this list because I'm so fucking sick of his fandom.  They make me want to tear off my fingernails and put them in food and them serve that food to those fangirls.  Tom used to be attractive to me but thanks to tumblr that ladyboner was killed violently a while ago because nobody can decide if they want to fuck his brains out in starbucks surrounded by coffee beans and instagram photos or if they want to fucking shake his hand and wait for him to fall in love with the constant stream of mary sue they are shitting. 

9. Vincent Kartheiser


Not enough winky faces could ever amount to the sheer amount of flirt I would expell towards this man. 


Yeah you guys know him.
He plays Peter Campbell in the critically acclaimed AMC  Mad Men TV series.  Seriously, this show is more chalk-full of drama and unprotected sex than a co-ed PE class.  

Personally I think Madmen should respectfully be renamed Awkward Scenes in an Elevator.  
I started watching it on Netflix, because luckily they have the first 4 seasons.  I'm knee deep in polyester, alcohol, cigarettes, sexism and more polyester. 
                                         Peter Campbell may be a little shit.  But he's a sexy little shit.  

8. Andrew VanWyngarden

The man, the god. 

Andrew VanWyngarden, a certainly diabolical slice of Heaven.  He's the singer/guitarist for electrifying Pop/Psychedelic revival band, MGMT. Honestly a little piece of my heart is always going to be hanging onto him, (and Ben Goldwasser, for that matter) because once you fall in love with this band, it's hard to let go. (Almost as hard as my hypothetical ladyboner). 

               MGMT has a great discography of two full length studio albums, "Oracular Spectacular" and "Congratulations", along with a number of EPs that I have bent over backwards to find.   Both of their Studio albums are like electronic dreams come to life by acidic artists painting with the sounds of your subconcious.  It's a real trip to listen to their stuff, and to have their particular influences inspire them and thousands of other kids is a small reminder of their place in Pop Culture now and for years in the future.

Part of Andrew's sex appeal comes from his insightful interviews and partially because of his, uh, electric feel.  He's got a style that any Dandy would be jealous of, and boy does he pull it off.  On my checklist of "Things that can make a man sexy" he's captured most of them.

Does he have long hair?  Oh my Hendrix, yes.
Fashion sense?  Adlaksfjalskfj (Legitimate answer as of 2012)
Does he play an instrument?  Several, actually.
Does his music suck?  No!  Why is this list so musician-centric? 
Because musicians are sexy, duh!  Oh yes!!!

Be sure to look forward for their 3rd album, self entitled as MGMT coming out hopefully soon.  And you know what a new album means....
That's right. 
TOUR.  Hopefully one that involves Texas!

7.  Russel Brand

                         The English Funnyman who can manipulate words and warp your sense of humor! 
Russell Brand is quite possibly one of the most interesting men I've ever had the pleasure to learn about.  He's had quite the turbulent, Rock Star-esque life.  From trouble with drugs to women, and how he overcame it all is inspiring and gives a lot of strength to the young people who aspire to be successful one day, but without all the drugs and women.  (Maybe the women but definitely not the drugs).  
                I have no ass now because I laughed it all off listening to his Stand Up.  I'm serious, he's got some of the most creative jokes I've ever heard, presented in a manner that is aesthetically pleasing.  From his hair to his clothes he reeks of sex, and from his body language it's an ambiguous nod towards homosexuality.   I've got a lot of respect (and I'm pretty sure what would be be construed as a mild addiction) towards English comedy.  I just fucking love it because it's intelligent humor that you have to have a fully functioning brain to understand!  Whether it's me watching That Mitchell and Webb look, or Snuff Box, The Mighty Boosh, Saxondale, A bit of Fry and Laurie, or even the classic Monty Python's Flying Circus, all of that fucking humor is so brilliant and clever that I walked out feeling smarter than before I watched anything. 

Reader ==> Watch Russell's Stand up

Oh yeah and on top of all that I have to mention someone I can never think of Russell without thinking of:
Noel Fielding.

Noel Fielding is also another hilarious English comedian who's friendship with Russel I love to see unfold on the show "Nevermind the Buzzcocks" - but better yet with Russell the two combine to make the
                                   GOTH DETECTIVES.  

6.  You can't spell "Sexual Frustration" without "Iggy Pop"

             Okay so Iggy Pop is the Godfather of punk, we've all realized this.  He broke the frontiers of what was acceptable on stage and what he just stone cold did not give a fuck about.  When people wanted a fucking show Iggy would fucking deliver.   Whether his solo shit or when he was with The Stooges seeing Iggy pop on stage was a gift from fucking God.  Or Satan depending on whether or not Led Zeppelin was on tour.

          These particular photos were taken by a man named "Neil Preston", who along with the likes of Mick Rock, was one of the greatest Rock photographers of his day.  He took so many iconic photos of musicians like Iggy, Led Zeppelin, Pete Townshend and Pink Floyd, but this particular shoot was featured in an article of Creem Magazine in April of 1974.

          Another iconic photograph of Iggy Pop was taken by Mick Rock, but most of you Rock n Rollers probably know it being the cover of his 1973 album Raw Power. 

           Anyhow, Iggy has an amazing body and the voice of a thousand screaming angels.  Honestly, I'm not a big fan of The Stooges first album, 1969, but if you're into repetitive early punk rock than I highly suggest it.  I think from then on out his albums get really amazing, except for The Idiot which surprisingly enough was produced by David Bowie.

           Even though the quality of his albums differentiate there is one thing that stays the same- and that is the fact he is one hot fox of a man with a body that searches and destroys.  

Sunday, August 19, 2012


I really like to draw, because it's very relaxing on top of other things. 
You know, drawing is like a really good way to just get things out of your head.  It's like you can make emotion into pictures, and then use those pictures to inspire other people to make their own pictures.

I don't care how "Bad" someone says they are at drawing.  I like to see what people can create, because I think the ability to create things is one of the greatest gifts us as humans are graced with.
The supplies I use

Okay so I'll start with those weird looking things at the top!  Ironically most of the stuff I use is Pentel brand. 

(From the top)

Watercolor brushes/Various sizes
Okay these are reallly nice because you can just fill them up with water and not have to worry about a water source for your watercolors.  The only thing you would even remotely have to worry about with them is making sure they don't leak- which isn't particularly difficult provided you don't have anything squeezing the water out of them.  They're kind of like a vagina in a sense that they clean themselves, because the more water you squeeze out of them the cleaner they get.  Also you can control the amount of water that comes out of the brush which is really nice.

 .3 mm Mechanical Pencil
  I just really fucking love detail, and I know a lot of artists who do as well.  I think the thing about these pencils is partially detail, and also partially because it challenges you to draw lighter.  (I'm so used to just jamming my pencil so hard into the paper you could see what nasty porn I was drawing on the paper underneath it.  Just kidding.)

Also you're going to need refills for that shit ==>   Fill it Fill it Fill it up

And oh shit here comes the inking pens
Okay usually I use Micron pens, but honestly as far as inking goes as long as it's waterproof I have no complaints.  Unless, of course, it's not waterproof and I didn't fucking know it wasn't waterproof so I end up with a smudged to hell picture I slaved hours over that looks like Courtney Love's makeup after she found out Kurt Cobain died.  Also size is a big thing with the microns so I linked to a set that is reasonably priced that has a variety of sizes.
       Okay that pen underneath my microns is another Pentel product, which I haven't actually used yet.  It's supposed to be similar to those Pentel watercolor brushes except instead of water it's ink that comes out.  I'll write more on it later if I think it's decent.

And also my .75 cent prismacolor  Magic Rub eraser.  It's the best, most sexual eraser I have ever used in my hole life.  I've italicized "hole" in a pun towards the holes that scatter through the rubber rectangle.  

And as far as paper goes- I haven't actually found any Watercolor paper that's blown my mind yet.  So usually I settle for some thick ass, slightly textured paper that seems to take my Grumbacher set fairly well.  (I use cakes, for the record, instead of the tubed watercolors.  I honestly don't see a difference in the two unless you want to mix colors, but when the tubes dry they are basically cakes anyhow.  I suggest black and white tubed watercolors since the cakes rarely have decent versions of either two colors).

I almost forgot you guys!  When working on backgrounds don't be afraid to go ape on the TAPE!  Painters tape is the shit when taping stuff off and I fucking love using it for patterns and stuff, too.  If any of you douchebags are huge Eddie Van Halen fans then you could even use tape to do shit like the patterns on his guitar! 

Shit is begging for tape. 

So yeah I really hope this was helpful to some people, at least, who are looking for decent brands to do watercolor and also drawing accessories.  Go nuts and party hard (at the Art Museum!). 

Art Fart Poopyland!

Hey guys it's been a while! (A whole day long). 
I went to my cousins venue, Super Happy Fun Land!  And that place is totally fucking awesome, it's a really great venue for local bands if you're in the Houston, Tx area.  It's a very surreal experience for young people like me who have yet to see what other venues Houston has to offer.  The walls are painted and various decor litters basically everywhere, there's an energy there that a lot of other venues don't have.

Also, my cousin who goes by the stage name of Poopy Lungstuffing, is a very unique and talented Ukulele songwriter.  She's got a voice very reminiscent of early Vaudeville acts, and a fashion style that is very Dandy.  It's really hip for people who are looking for something unique that is equally entertaining to enjoy, and not to mention a selection of vintage clothing and handmade silk screened shirts! Poopy's Army

There was this little girl there, Pixie, the daughter of one of the owners and she was so precious. 

It was a Leo Party, by the way.

 L.M. Fights the giant Kat whilst showing off her glorious Doctor Martens given to her by Poopy!

Just look at them.

It was a good night, but I won't post all my pictures.  I'll let my friend Haka post the ones of herself on her blog since I know that's what she's dying to do! 

Party on!

Saturday, August 18, 2012



Hey guys! L.M.Strange here and I just got back from Arkansas.
     And although pretty, it was quite unpractical for those of us partiers who are used to the city.  (Or suburbs.  But one thing is still for sure and that is that my town is still more interesting than the middle of "Not-shit-USA"
     Maybe the reason older people like to take things slow (and therefore take boring ass vacations) is similar to the way life is like toilet paper- "The closer you get to the end the faster it goes".
You're sick, Jessy, sick sick sick!

But whatever. I don't like to go slow,
I like to go really fucking fast.  (But not more than 10MPH over the speed limit because I could get a ticket!)
 And of course since I like to go fast I get to do shit people in the fast lane do-


I got this cute dress from a place in Jefferson, Tx, and I'm pretty sure it's from the mid to late 50s.  It's an A-Line style and makes my boobs look huge and my waist tiny!!! Yay!!!

 Some makeup that I may do in the future to go along with it...

    Thrift shopping is so much fun and my good friend Haka got tons of cute clothes that I'm sure she'll put on her blog. Her outfits are always so adorably vintage and since the weather was slightly warm she wore lots of high waisted shorts.  (The ones on the left I know she bought at a Good-Will but they were mom jeans that she cut into shorts.)  Here's what I wore with them when she let me borrow them:



(Tessa has a better waist for them than I do!)

We did a lot of "fun" things like stay in a cabin half the size of my kitchen near a dried up river!  Also I found out there are no hot guys in Arkansas but there are very far out filmmakers that like to talk to protesters in Eureka Springs.  

  We also found a really groovy 70s shop and I got myself a blacklight Zappa poster.  (For 6 dollars, holy shit).  And on top of everything there were still no hot guys in Arkansas.  

We found this cat and I lovingly named it "Shithead"
Me? Get into Trouble?

I also watched that movie "THIS IS SPINAL TAP" for the first time and thought it was so fucking amazing I wanted to puke.  So I did.  Multiple times.  So I'm gonna totally make a badass film just like that one someday, because it expresses my love of it's two themes:

1) Documentaries
2) Rock n Roll

Watch out motherfuckers we got a filmmaker on the loose. 
But also one who goes on boring vacations with her stylish friend and out of the whole trips finds a sexy shirt, an Oscar Wilde card, and Frank Zappa poster.

boom goes the dynamite.