Sunday, July 8, 2012

Hey I'm LM.

And today I experienced yet another example of why my social skills are deteriorating inexplicably faster than I thought possible.

 It seems like 8th grade was a highlight for me, out of my 16 years of existence.
  I had it all:  A tight knit group of friends, good grades, lunch that could kick that piece of shit bag of food you deemed necessary to bring to school right out of your adolescent hands, a best friend to end all other best friends, and best of all I had in possession one of the rarest creatures you could ever hope to have.  I had a boyfriend.   

                                            Kind of like this but more ginger.

I'm kidding! Hot guys don't exist in 8th grade. 

But yes.  That's right.  I said a real, live boyfriend who I could make out with!  And hold hands with!
And hug and whatever else people do with those.  But not sex, though, because come on I was in like, 8th grade. 

Yeah, 8th grade was nice.  I never knew how much of a deeply pitted teenage wasteland that High School was going to be, though.  I didn't know that I would spend the next two years drawing Homestuck fanart during my Math class and picking my nose, getting on tumblr instead of studying, turning the fuzz on my amp up all the way and pretending to be Marc Bolan, and digging a hole of dispair and angst also instead of studying. I didn't see it coming when my boyfriend broke up with me. 

He was someone I'd been with on and off that whole year, and someone I didn't want to lose because as I started gaining insight to how I was beginning to mold myself and how I was changing I guess I was too lost in my own swirling cloud of maturation to notice his disinterest.  And just as quickly as it started it ended- and I lost him. 

And someone else picked him up. 

But it's been about three or four years, and I'm over it. I mean the chick that he dated after me he's still with, and I'm kind of over that, too.  Although through my high school adventure so far I've had nothing that really constitutes a relationship. (It's because I spend all my time pretending to exercise and watch Avatar instead I mean what.)  I've felt out of touch with my friends, and worse- out of touch with myself.  But it hasn't stopped me from watching other people grow and change around me.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm still going to come out of school with the same dream I went into it with.

Tonight I tried to Skype with a couple friends and it just didn't work out.  It's funny how something you say inside your head sounds completely different when you say it out loud. 

Sometimes this is what I think to myself.

                                          SOCIAL SKILLS
                                                          I don't need it
                                                          I don't need it
                                                          I don't need it

But of course you need them. 
Everyone needs them!
But I feel like I'm losing mine! 

But whatever.  Fuck you, Social Skills, I'll dominate my own life and not worry about you! 
I'll be a goddamn pimp if I want to,
or a Rock Star.

Or better yet a rockstar pimp. 

Which I would really like to be a Rock Star and have all those people that fucked me up to just sit in front of their TVs screaming like little girls.

                                                          I will make little boys weep.  

 And you know play super sick instruments and have a whole trunk full of Ukuleles (looking at you, George Harrison).   But no dead bodies because fuck them they stink up the whole backside of my sweet ass ride.   Also because I spend more time thinking of how to kill a zombie with my Iphone than a person, but zombies are people too?  

Zombies were people, too, okay. 

The moral of this post is that my social skills are almost extinct!  Also High School sucks the emotional drive out of you so
Don't do Drugs
Stay in School

 But if you get approached with a recording contract you TAKE THAT SHIT AND RUN AWAY.  

Thanks guys. 

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